Crop Circles

Science Fiction Ramblings

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Bathroom Uber Alles

It’s been a while, but I am still here and still writing. Today’s oddly prophetic word prompt ( was “housework”.


I used to joke with my mom about the toilet brush being the scepter bestowed upon the Queen of the House. I imagined a shaft of platinum crusted with emeralds to match the shower curtain in our bathroom. I imagined diamond-tipped bristles glittering in the sun.  Now, take all that glitter and add function. It’s not just a toilet brush; it’s the Singing Toilet Brush! A device that when touched, leaps into the air and plays music while whisking around the bowl by itself. Or if automation is impractical, perhaps I should settle for the fabled Brush in the Stone, complete with fancy inscription: whoso pulleth out this brush from this stone shall claim the throne. Or at the very least, clean the throne. But verily, I am unworthy of such an honor and like Cinderella shall be condemned to a lifetime of picking lentils out of vacuum cleaners or whatever it is she is doing these days. Until I stand up and declare, “Fuck the legumes sisters, time to graduate to something bigger.” I reach for the brush, wrap my hands around its glowing metal shaft and pull. One day, it will spring free, and I will wield it like a mace to crush the skulls of my enemies.